For all our modern inventions there are surprisingly few designed specifically with the intention of solely making us happy: there are many things designed to make us feel unhappy; school-teachers, council-tax, alarm-clocks which cause an instant and distressing feeling to name but a few. You would think that by reversing these things happiness would be allowed to breed instantly. Yeah right! We’d find things to moan about though, wouldn’t we? Either that or the over-load of happiness would cause people who hate happy people to feel appalling. And the cycle would begin again. The happy hating the miserable, and the miserable infecting those in-between!

Since writing that last sentence (0.25 seconds ago) I have done some semi-serious thinking. I still can’t come up with things designed to make people happy–well, at least I can’t think of anything that I can write here. But seriously, it’s tough. Of the various ideas swimming about in the tangled-mess of my brain, this is all I have: 1) those head massager things which may or may not have originated in India. 2) custom-made chocolate. 3) Strip-o-grams. 4) Some plants which look comical as they resemble human body-parts. 5) large-puddles left by the Council so that motorists can drive through, soakin passerby and making the motorists day as excellent as the passerby’s day is wet and terrible. 6) Passage-ways made so small that sooner or later two people walk into each other, thus inducing happiness on the face of people who witness embarrassing shuffle to pass by. I’m sure you can think of a few of your own. But the point is this; we are facing a global-warming crisis! The only way to face such a serious matter will be to make ourselves smile more. That way more people will feel obliged to energy-save, and we might all get somewhere while actually smiling.

Want to join a raging debate about what makes a hospital drama good, bad or enthralling? You’ve come to the right place!

House M.D.with its likeable yet super grumpy—not to mention blunt, odd, and generally very real-doctor-like—leading man has somehow found the perfect formula to please almost everyone. But still the debate continues! Even House, hallowed as it has become, is not safe from the beady eyes of the greedy viewing public who will stop at nothing to complain about every single thing (and also comment with appaling use of the English language, as can be seen by hitting the link). Some say they want to see more deaths and others say they want to see more recoveries. And what a question: seeing as hospital is the very last place that almost everyone on the planet wants to end up in—second only, maybe, to the dentist and a Chris De Burgh live show—how come we all love watching the grumpy git House so much?

Well, the answer is pretty obvious from where I am sitting; it’s just quite fun to watch other people having a horrendous nightmare of a day, isn’t it? Providing they’re fictional of course. That way we don’t feel guilt or shame. Not surprising considering gladiator fighting and watching public hangings used to be the norm, I suppose. Nowadays we watch Eastenders—if you’re in the States or anywhere but the UK then I’m sure you can find a similar equivalent—during the day, to see if a member of the Mitchell family might have either died or killed someone, and then we put House on. What better way to see an evening through than that double whammy?

Where do you go if you’re a computer geek who wants the latest software but feels uncomfortable about hacking in to government computers like all your mates who think it is perfectly OK? Good question. Ethics huh? They get everywhere. Well, I’ll tell you where you need to go if that’s you: you get your weak boney backside to www.geeks.com, that’s where!

This is all alien to me, to be fair, but I’m going to do my best to try and describe this site for you, thus allowing you to make an informed decision about going there or not, and keeping your street cred in tact. If you’re a geek—or a geekazoid as some people in my neck of the woods like to call this sublimely strange race–—then you’ll probably have heard about it in Geek Times or whatever magazine is all the rage for those who have an I.Q. of 200 or over. If not, read on.

OK, so www.geeks.com is all about providing geeks, ethical geeks / nerds / dorks etc with the best computer software. Whatever your fancy, be it stamp-collecting or extreme computer stroking—don’t laugh, I am sure it exists!—you’ll find it at this site in copious amounts.

Now, here’s the thing: I can’t really see how this website is any different than a conventional high-street store type thing. But I suppose that is to be expected, seeing as I know next to nothing about being a geek. But there is plenty to feast your eyes on: there are pictures, specifications, little geeky symbols everywhere and everything you could ever need to feel completely at home if you’re that way inclined.

So really quickly, I have something to admit. I love Number 6 (sorry Naomi). I was going through the last season on dvd well into the night and the acting was remarkable! I would highly recommend this one to all of you…

Christmas is almost upon us again and thousands of unsuspecting family members are going to receive gifts that they will never use. Why people insist on wasting money on crappy ‘novelty’ gifts (rather than just buying you a bar of chocolate if they are that stuck for ideas) is a bit of a mystery…

So, what are the very worst things that could be waiting in a stocking near you this year? What is another reason why you should just going on holiday to italy ski. Well, here are a few of the most horrendously tacky bits of naffness that I have seen:-

· Any USB Gadget.

Yes, this is the modern plague in the world of tack. There is a terrifying array of all kinds of USB novelty devices including; a coffee warmer, a ‘hilarious’ panic button, a dancing robot and a reading lamp. Why the hell would you want to read when you are using a computer?

· Smoking Mittens.

If you enjoy a cigarette then you are in terrible danger of getting one of several piles of poo for Christmas. This one is a pair of ‘specially designed’ gloves that enable you to keep your hands warm whilst smoking a fag in the cold. Oh, dear.

· Novelty Slippers.

This awful trend has mostly died out… The main reason for this is the large amount of people that have fallen down the stairs after getting the ‘ear’ on one foot tangled around the other. But this epidemic has not completely passed; there are still a few examples of sad and cosy footwear for sale.

If you think I’m exaggerating about how many tacky presents there are, then have a look at the ‘Crap Gadgets’ web page; it’s actually pretty scary stuff!

Just came across this contest where the prize is <;a href=’http://www.skiline.co.uk/Italy_skiResorts.asp’>;italy ski<;/a>;.Everybody should really put your names in, this would be an awesome way to spend New Years!